is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
