the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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