you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
