best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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