I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
