halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
