well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
