Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
