i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
