I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
