Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
