They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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