I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
