I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
