Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
