just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
