i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
