So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
