I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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