i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
