we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
