the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
