Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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