In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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