So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
