I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
