Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
