i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
