remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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