Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
