1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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