I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
