You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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