please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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