We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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