I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
