Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
