Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
