im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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