oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
