so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
