it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
