it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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