i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
