i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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