Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
