I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
