There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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