Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
