hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
