guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
