What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
