yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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