watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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