i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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